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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hi, mom. I'm feeling tremendous guilt. Mom: Why? Me: Just thought I'd save you the effort."

"When I was in Paris, I got up early to get some food. They had this huge mushroom buffet. Portabella, shiitake; Breakfast of champignons"

"Did you know that if you put your ear on Beethoven's tombstone you can hear his music in reverse? He's de-composing! Heard that one on the radio this morning."

"What's the first thing a redneck buys when going to a family reunion? Condoms."

"Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dre"

"I like my women like I like my whiskey... Light brown, from the south, and kept in a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions."

"9/11 never forget 11/9 always regret"

"Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say ""I love you,"" she's talking to our dog."

"""Why are you so excited?"" the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. ""But doc this is my first operation."" ""Really? It's mine too and I am not excited at all."""