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Joke of the Day
"And the Oscar goes too.......... Prison."
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"I bought some hard cider yesterday... but I'm still waiting for it to melt."
"[God inventing iguanas] Maybe humans are done dealing with dinosaurs, but ants aren't"
"What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop? Feces-tious"
"How do you keep a Turkey in suspense? I'll tell you later."
"If I had a nickel for every time I had sex, I would ask my pimp for a raise."
"Did you hear about the guy in masturbation contest? He really held his own."
"Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit"
"Two Irish men walk into a bar. I would've thought one of them would have seen it."
"What does the Chicago Cubs's name stand for? Completely Useless By September"