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Joke of the Day

"And the Oscar goes too.......... Prison."

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"Why are the corners the warmest part of every house? Because they're 90 degrees!"
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field"
"What is will? A little bitch"
"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."
"Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years."
"How many hillbillies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. A man, his wife, and his cousin"
"What kind of ships can't go in salt water? Snail-boats"
"What did the captain of the alien mouse spaceship say when he met his first earth mouse? Take me to your Liederkranz."
"""When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window""-Birds"