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Joke of the Day
"professor gave us a 2000 word essay... So I gave him two pictures."
Next Joke
"I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. You can't use ""It's Monday"" as an excuse."
"Mary Rose sat on a pin Mary rose"
"It really creeps me out the way my neighbor stares at me when I'm looking through her window."
"[funeral] *walks up to give eulogy* *pulls notes out of pocket* ""Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails."" *folds notes* *sits back down*"
"My wallet is like an onion Every time I look at it, I cry"
"How do you eat a bald pussy? You remove her diaper first."
"Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers? ze Hoegaarden."
"Was tempted to commit suicide last night... So I bought a semi-automatic rifle and shot up a school. (p.s. for those asking, I did in fact drink their blood)"
"Me: grandma have you ever tried Five Guys? Grandma: at once?! *in case you don't know, Five Guys is a burger joint*"