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Joke of the Day

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger."

"A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out."

"[hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this"

"4-year-old: Can we go get ice cream? Me: It's freezing outside. 4: I know. It won't melt."

"I signed up on Match.com... They set me up with a couch and a bottle of hand lotion... ...on the bright side it was my 1st 3-way."

"Happy Fourtho de Mayo."

"What's a let down Chinese lobster called? A crushed asian"

"I don't think I'll beheading to the Middle East any time soon."

"What do you call a nun in a car? Virgin Mobile"

"I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult."