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Joke of the Day

"Would Orlando Bloom? No, but Elijah Wood."

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"I thought I could have sex with this Eskimo woman... ... But she wasn't that Inuit."
"Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !"
"If your problem can be solved by: Naps Cake Drugs Alcohol or Murder Then you don't really have a problem."
"Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay."
"What's the capital of Greece? (x-post from /r/MeanJokes) About 10. DISCLAIMER: I heard this joke from /u/r4e3d2d2i8t5. All due credit to that person."
"This guy just rubbed up against me so hard in line at Starbucks now I know what an altar boy feels like."
"WHAT DO YOU THINK???? If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife"
"Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights."
"The strangest thing happened to me on the train today. Found a book titled ""How to increase your Memory Power"" left behind on a seat. Now, that's irony!"