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Joke of the Day

"[sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?"

"What's a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty."

"Guess which Wraith is a homosexual It's the flaming one"

"I long for the innocence of youth, back when I was happy just playing with a slinky all day Things are so different now. It's like, 3...4 hours tops and I'm bored with the thing."

"isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying."

"Why do gay men have great skin? Because they respect and take care of their bodies, you homophobic piece of shit."

"""Man, what's eating you today? *looks down* I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!"

"What is a Nazi baker's secret ingredient? White Flour!"

"Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross."

"I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor."