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Joke of the Day

"""Man, what's eating you today? *looks down* I Don't know.... GET IT OFF OF ME!!!"

"Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack."

"My friend was raped by a teenager mutant ninja turtle. He wasn't wearing a mask, so we don't know which one did it."

"I fucked a sarcastic girl. She loved it."

"I just had my ass blasted.. It was an explosive diarrhea."

"[1st time on phone with a girl] I've got butterflies in my stomach It's so cute that you're nervous [eating 2nd bowl of butterflies] huh?"

"This Super Market doesn't even sell capes."

"Why does Donald Trump close his eyes during sex? So he can imagine he's masturbating."

"Jason Bateman origin story: On a field trip to a scientific lab as a teen, he was bitten by a radioactive Jason Bate."

"I work at a furniture store. My boss asked me to label and price all the new items. I said, ""Hey boss. How do you want me to label this stone armchair?"" He said, ""No man, clay chair."""