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Joke of the Day

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex... ...but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"I ate the last piece of flan that my wife and I have been fighting over I won the custardy battle."

"Why does the rabbit hide Easter eggs? Because he is ashamed of fucking the chicken."

"Eating some turkey? Put gravy on it. Mashed potatoes dry? Try gravy. Headache? Shot of gravy. Depressed? More gravy. Lost a limb? Gra"

"How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!"

"WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe"

"If my ex had an autobiography it would be called ""Mein Cramps"" What, did you NOT SEE that one coming?"

"LPT. Before making any promises to a girl, masturbate twice. It may change your opinion."

"Had to have ""the talk"" with my 5yr old. He asked me where sandwiches come from."

"I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, ""Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."" It made me cross."