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Joke of the Day

"TIL if you buy the new MacBook Pro There is no escape."

"8: hey dad can you make me a sandwich? me: poof! you're a sandwich 8: .... me: no"

"Not trying to be racist or ignorant but...nnseriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike."

"Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming ""I'M YOU FROM THE ""FUTURE!"" in their faces.."

"I held the record for collecting Stephen King's books. Then I lost It."

"What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip!"

"Researchers found a deep-ocean microbe which could explain transition from simple to complex cells However, it passed away before it even had begun explaining."

"What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!"

"How many calories does the average ejaculated semen has? Apparently not enough to keep my baby alive"

"[house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!"