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Joke of the Day

"Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: ""He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."""

"Why did the vegetable kill himself? He didn't carrot all."

"My friend phoned me up at three in the morning. He said, ""Can you pick me up from the bar?"" I said, ""No mate, my arms aren't that long."""

"Food just tastes better upside-down 1. upside-down cake 2. hamburgers 3. not cereal tho 4. oh no cereal is everywhere 5. why did I do this"

"Most of the lies I tell aren't even true."

"Pokemon is hard, it took me forever to get this rabbit in my tupperware bowl."

"It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich."

"I used to be friends with a lot of metalheads. But then, gradually, our relationships got a little bit rusty."

"You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!"

"This ice cream is legen - wait for it - DAIRY."