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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, ""If I'm alive by then,"" and hang up."

"Why did Microsoft skip to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9. (For those that haven't heard the news: http://www.polygon.com/2014/9/30/6873967/windows-10-announced-microsoft-pc)"

"This one has always tickled me! My father is the inventor of the rear view mirror. He means a great deal to me but looking back we're not as close as we seem!"

"Safety first. Just kidding, coffee first. Safety's like third or fourth."

"My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke ""Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."""

"What is an inconvenient truth with music? Algorithm."

"What do you call a cow's mate? Its significant *udder*."

"A bought my girlfriend bondage supplies as a gag gift She was at a loss for words"

"There is one instrument I just can't stand.. The Sitar"

"What do you call a random complaint in Star Wars? A General Grievance."