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Joke of the Day

"Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium!"

"Seriously. Once you learn how it reaches your dinner plate, you'll never want to eat human flesh again."

"What is the last step in manufacturing Tickle-Me-Elmo's before packaging and shipping to stores? Give it two test-tickles."

"I've just made an abortion. I'm not kidding."

"If I was a transformer, I would turn into Megan Fox's vibrator"

"What did the ISIS shepherd get arrested for? Trafficking sex workers."

"Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you."

"I don't like how funerals are usually at 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person. Edit: WHY THE HELL DID THIS MAKE THE JOKES FRONT PAGE"

"You're more useless than a..."

"What do Badgers and Gynecologists have in common? they both like to root around in your cellar"