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Joke of the Day

"You're more useless than a..."

"The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. ""Too pudgy to be a terminator"" says one woman."

"Everyone calls me Al Capone Because"

"[sees kid crying] Kid: Im lost Me: that's ok. We're all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Bye"

"You know why it's called PMS? ...there's already something called Mad Cow Disease."

"I'm really sick of my job. It's always ""copy this"", ""print that"", ""you left your bra in the break room again."""

"I saw this cute homeless girl on the street.. ..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said ""sure"", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box..."

"5-year-old: Why don't we say Grace? Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry?"

"What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland? Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips."

"Why can black people jump so high Because their knee grows."