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Joke of the Day

"The definition of passive aggressive is a girl tagging you in a FB photo where she looks good & you look like a bucket of shit."

"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"

"I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries"

"Over the past year my sexual perversions have been getting more perverse. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom."

"What did the blind, deaf, and mute kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"What the opposite of progress? Congress"

"I can't have been the only one who was confused by the Rosa Parks story as a kid, on a basis of ""the cool kids sit in the back of the bus."""

"When i was younger i had part of my colon removed Now i only have a semicolon"

"My friend hasn't spoken to me since I accused him of stealing some wooden panels. I think he took a fence."

"I made a fortune selling HIV testing kits to Africa In reality, it's just a bunch of lollipop sticks with ""Yes"" written on the side of them."