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Joke of the Day

"When I'm about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I'm worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV."

"Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread."

"If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions they should kill a lion."

"Teacher: What's 2 and 2 Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good Pupil: Good ? that's perfect !"

"Why is The Hulk going to get laid tonight? Because he is stronger than you."

"I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie. Sadly it was erased."

"When your sitting in a Chevy and you feel something heavy Anybody know any silly diarrhea rhymes?"

"I hate to toot my own horn, but: [sad trombone]."

"Your eyes are like stars. Not because they are bright and beautiful. But because they are so far apart."