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Joke of the Day

"I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques. It was a wikki-wikki Wiki."

"How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it"

"A guy at the bar asked me to pass him the salt and pepper, so I punched him in the face and yelled, GET YOUR OWN DISTINGUISHED HAIR JERK!"

"NSFW Men are like a deck of cards... You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!"

"I'm gonna covet you. I am gonna covet you so hard. I am gonna covet the holy living shit outta you. C'mere."

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? I don't have a BMW in my garage. ....and if I did, I *probably* wouldn't masturbate in it."

"Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision"

"""Mrs. Doubtfire"" is my favorite movie about a messy custody battle that gives way to horribly illegal and creepy transgendered stalking."

"I heard that the factories in China will be close until the next GOP president. A liberal joke"

"I like my women like I like my Starbucks coffee. Left cold and empty with my name written across them."