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Joke of the Day

"If my open tray table can really hinder a landing we really need to rethink the whole air travel thing."

"Where do the stinky penguins live? Antfartica"

"Narrator: ""Humans are the product of 4.54 billion years of evolution"" [cut to me pressing harder on remote control when batteries are dead]"

"Don't have phone sex... ...you might get hearing aids."

"Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hilary"

"""U can legally stab someone if u suspect they're a Gary."" -no you can't *pulling knife from sheath* ""Sounds like somthin a Gary would say"""

"RIP to that hoodie you left at your ex-gf's house. She says she has no idea what youre talkin about but she knows. Wheres my hoodie, Denise?"

"what's grey and comes in quarts? an elephant"

"If it looks like a duck & quacks like a duck, it's a murderer, disguised as a duck."

"What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary."