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Joke of the Day

"Me: Would you have a minute to speak about my lord and savior, nachos supreme? Her: Sir, for the last time just tell me your order."

"It seems like I only lose weight when I don't buy ice cream. Can someone else start buying my ice cream for me please?"

"NSFW What's one thing a woman wishes her husband had after childbirth? A fatter penis."

"I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams."

"I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds."

"Why is it that the more numbers someone has in their e-mail address, the less I respect them?"

"My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure."

"In hindsight, I made two key mistakes on this family vacation: 1) Going on vacation 2) Taking my family"

"What did socialists use before candles? Light bulbs."

"How many architects does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task."