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Joke of the Day

"The only thing worse than finding out you were given up for adoption would be finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up."

"How to catch a polar bear: 1) Cut a hole in the ice. 2) Carefully place peas in a circle around the hole. 3) Hide and wait. 4) When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole."

"A friend if mine asked me what will I do tomorrow... I told him I have to go on HIV test and then he replied, Oh shit... I am sure you can do it... stay positive!"

"My friend asked me if the new Star Wars movie was in 3D I said yes, but they R2D2"

"What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor."

"How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks? On the rocks"

"Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt. I said: Don't live, you might die.."

"You know what really grinds my gears? Friction"

"Probably too soon News is Robin Williams didn't commit suicide. Apparently, he was Ru-Fi-O'd."

"Look, if you need a heimlich, just ask me nicely, enough of this flapping your arms and making faces shit."