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Joke of the Day

"If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV"

"Psi walks into a bar And says to the owner ""Such a nice unit you have here, totally on a different scale"""

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" wtf ""woah wait its back on again"" no way ""great he's stole my nose now"" im phoning the police"

"My kid is almost old enough for social media so we'll need to have ""the talk"" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're."

"What does a book of definitions and an erection have in common? They're both *dick-shun-airy's* (erections are filled with deoxygenated blood.... bit of a weak connection I know...)"

"I tried to walk into Target... But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg RIP."

"I broke my finger today but on the other hand I am completely fine"

"If there is anything that chicken noodle soup and DayQuil won't cure, it's probably like, really serious or something."

"Why is sex with 92 year olds tiring? Because there is 90 of them..."

"I like to wipe my ass like I drive. Stopping only on red."