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Joke of the Day

"Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing"

"How are bad dubstep and constipation similar? Both leave you waiting for the drop."

"Can we all stop pretending that alcohol tastes good?"

"Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By their names."

"What's the difference between my wife and my paycheck? My paycheck comes once a week."

"[Sees girl watching Star Wars] ""Oh I love that movie, the way"" *starts to sweat* ""All those stars are at war with each other"""

"Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store."

"I shot my first turkey today! But for some reason everyone in the frozen food section acted really surprised."

"Danke for calling Germany. To order beer, press 1. To order weapons, press 2. To order philosophy, press 1 until it resembles a 2."

"Men at the supermarket are like fish in an aquarium. Silent, with no recollection of how or why they got there."