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Joke of the Day

"i need a hug(e amount of cash money)"

"Everyone keeps saying Marry Christmas to me... I'm so confused. Who's this Christmas girl and why does everyone want me to marry her?"

"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently."

"What do you call a rogue toaster? A rebel appliance."

"I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should. So I did and didn't."

"What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year? Patty O'Furniture"

"I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?"

"I don't know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I fucking guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook."

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One did the moon walk, and the other one raped little kids."

"Dad, are ghosts real? Dad: No son, of course not Son: The nanny said they are Dad: Okay, pack your stuff... We don't have a nanny"