130361

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One did the moon walk, and the other one raped little kids."

"My dad is in the hospital, he needed to get some toes amputated because of his diabetes. He's been good about it. He says he's lactose intolerant."

"Worst 15 minutes of my life I quit Reddit it was the worst 15 minutes of my life!!!"

"Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said ""DON'T WALK""."

"Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding."

"Did you know that diarrhea is genetic... Yea, it runs in your genes."

"So, I fell and broke my Matchbox Twenty CD . . . Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the RobThomatrist."

"Between Man of Steel, This Is The End, and Pacific Rim, I've seen around 5 billion people die this summer. A personal best."

"My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant."

"*Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter"