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Joke of the Day

"yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there's a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you'll wake him up"

"It seems unfair that I'm bad with names but great at remembering every grotesque meaty neck I've ever had to wait behind at an airport."

"Is your wife single?"

"[waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey! ""What'll it be?"" [out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I'm vegan"

"How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian? Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian."

"Why did Ray Bradbury use heated lube? It was a pleasure to burn."

"If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got ""YOLO"" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly"

"What's the worst part about fuckin terrorists? Their hairy assholes..."

"What's the similarity between a smart employee and a perfect volleyball hit? They're both fine assets!"

"My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn. Now I have stable WiFi."