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Joke of the Day

"You know you're a bad driver when your GPS tells you ""after 400 feet stop and let me out"""

"[M]y boyfriend asked me i[f] I could do him in the butt. I never pegged him for that type of guy."

"I like my slaves how I like my coffee Free"

"Dad did you manage to fix my toy? No it's not broken the battery's flat. Well what shape should it be?"

"SECURITY GUARD: [speaking into the cuff of his shirt] The president is on his way to the car LITTLE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN HIS SLEEVE: Ok cool"

"I was at the airport when I saw a soldier returning home. The first thing he said was, ""look mom, no hands."""

"Whats the word im looking for? You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word?"

"A lot of woman actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out."

"Round Sheep A farmer asked me ""Can you help me round up my sheep?"" I said ""How many have you got?"" He said ""78"" I said ""we will call that 80!"""

"I got diarrhea while camping last weekend. Shit was in tents."