111976

Joke of the Day

"When all else fails burn shit, people will forget how much of a failure you are when they see stuff on fire."

"What's the difference between Japanese people and their food? Americans eat the food after they nuke it."

"Husband:-""So when you starting back at the gym""? Me:-""Why""? H:-""Because you need to"" His funeral takes place next week."

"How do you seat four gay men on a bar stool? Flip it over."

"every morning i swallow a piece of paper that says ""keep up the good work fellas!!"" just in case i die and doctors gotta do an autopsy on me"

"What did the Doe say when she came out of the woods? I'm not doing that again for two bucks."

"Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner."

"When I was a kid I was full of piss and vinegar... Now I'm just pissin' vinegar."

"What do you call a bell which doesn't do it's work? A rebell"

"When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it's been there for years & set it free."