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Joke of the Day

"Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them."

"Haters gonna hate. Tweeters gonna tweet. It's actually pretty obvious that verbs are performed by their respective nouns."

"What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a cliff? Nothing, she was wearing mittens."

"Someone told me I looked like a pokemon. I told them I thought it was a little Farfetch'd."

"What is Rihanna's favorite song? ""I can't feel my face when i'm with you"""

"Just bought a Jehovah Witness Advent calendar... Every time you open a door, a voice tells you to fuck off."

"Scientist released new findings proving that there are now only seven planets in our solar system after I destroyed Uranus."

"I was telling a joke to my friend with dwarfism I became pretty awkward because it went right over his head."

"why are most reddit posts medium rare? because they certainly aren't rare, and are definitely not well done."

"If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood."