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Joke of the Day

"What does a Maple Leads fan do after his team wins the Stanley Cup? He turns off his Xbox and goes back to bed."

"If I wasn't so addicted to food and shelter I would quit this lousy job."

"Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say ""What's up, Chad?"" & he'll be all ""Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"""

"Girlfriend went to the neurologist to get a brain scan yesterday. Nothing showed up."

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"At the liquor store: ""Hey, do you need help?"" ""Yes, but I come here instead"""

"If animals took over the world, what would be they're first decree? O'LAMACARE!!!!!"

"Donald Trump's tweets are actually really entertaining if you imagine him tweeting from a gold toilet while having violent diarrhea."

"How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry."

"What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist!"