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Joke of the Day

"My friend sent her photo to the lonely hearts club They sent it back saying they weren't *that* lonely"

"What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror? ""I can see my shelf"""

"What does Drew Carey have in his driveway? Cleveland Rocks!"

"Every day, hundreds of seals are clubbed to death by hunters. It's snow joke."

"First 20 minutes driving through farm country: ""Isn't this pretty?"" Next 3 hours: *can't remember a life before corn*"

"Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself? (Wait for it...)"

"Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart."

"I'm 5'5"" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things."

"What should vegetarians eat for protein? Meat."

"What's the best way to knock out a dog? with a woofie."