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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to knock out a dog? with a woofie."

"Home Alone is so unrealistic, the robbers aren't even black!"

"Doctor: 'Your recovery was a miracle!' Patient: 'PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'"

"The US Treasury announced Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 So there's going to be a whole new bill in the black market."

"Damn girl, are you a jar of pickles? Because I think I NEED to bang you on my kitchen counter."

"Bread lovers of Reddit, how do you tell your ""Sandwich Artist"" that they got your order wrong? Oops, wrong sub"

"""I'm gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it'll be a mom scrapbook"" ~ Mark Zuckerberg"

"I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add ""This time I'm serious"""

"Forget everything you learned in college... ...You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'"""

"Guy: How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you know yet? Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more"