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Joke of the Day

"*joaquin phoenix croses a street adn almost gets hit by a taxi* *mumbles to himsef* cmon man whyd he try to do that. i mean, im joaquin here"

"I took a bite out of a vegetable the other day... The nurse was pissed"

"Me: I get most of my tweeting material from you son. 9: I'm glad I expire you. Me: See what I mean."

"Things I need now because of Twitter: 1. A cat 2. A beard 3. Printer for Avis 4. Duct tape 5. Rope 6. Gas card"

"A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption."

"Who went into a witche's den and came out alive ? The witch !"

"There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra."

"A good old sexiste joke What is the difference between a women driving strawberries? None, both are collect in a field."

"What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster? Messie Thank you and goodnight."

"I was checking into a hotel the other week....."