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Joke of the Day

"Me: I get most of my tweeting material from you son. 9: I'm glad I expire you. Me: See what I mean."

"What's heavier 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers? The feathers. because you have the weight of the feathers and you have to carry around the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park there, man!"

"Why are math students so skinny? Because they buy no meals. (Binomials)"

"What does a ghost trucker drive? Frightliner edit: sawonne assured me no apology was necessary."

"What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ? A dollar."

"An albino guy walks into a tattoo parlor... ...the tattooist looks him over, and asks ""So... what do you want?"" The albino guy replies, ""BEIGE. EVERYWHERE."""

"Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil."

"DO NOT expect a ""Bless You"" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that shit under control."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? TO MAKE A VERY BIG POO POO!!!"