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Joke of the Day

"What did the pizza man say to Jay Garrick? Hi, I'm Jay Garrick."

"Hell is an eternity of being sober in a room full of drunk people."

"I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins."

"Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?"

"Why did the hillbilly cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out the chicken"

"Dyslexia A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ??"

"[Pickup Line] Are you a phillips or flathead? OP: Uh, I don't know, why? YOU: I'm just trying to figure out how to screw you."

"I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere. Then suddenly I slipped in cider."

"I just got hired as a garbage truck driver. There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along."

"I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?"