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Joke of the Day

"Friend: ""Hey you're blocking the view!"" Me: ""Bitch, I am the view."""

"Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be? Because the dimes (times) have changed."

"What do you call the useless skin around a vagina? The woman."

"Today a tiny hat was convicted of murder... They say he finally just broke down and con-fezzed to the crime."

"Who are the real Guardians of the Galaxy? Security at Samsung."

"Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?"

"Have you heard about the deaf guy? I don't think he did either."

"Attention people who aren't employees: you should wash your fucking hands too."

"Did you hear about the new skat porno? it's full of shit"

"How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations."