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Joke of the Day

"The guy who invented throat lozenges just died... I heard there will be no coffin at his funeral."

"Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own."

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with soccer So I said ""On loan or permanent transfer?"""

"3... 2... 1... sandwich? You fool! You've pressed the LUNCH button, not the LAUNCH button!"

"The sign of a true gentleman... ...is one who knows how to play the bagpipes, but chooses not to."

"Hear about the serial killer who was actually quite sensitive? He wore other people's hearts on his sleeve."

"Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day."

"As a child I was always taught there is a brain in my skull. Now I can't get it out of my head."

"What car do dogs drive? A Doge charger"

"Joke spy Why did the spy stay in bed? Because he was undercover"