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Joke of the Day

"[taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard"

"Made me laugh a bit A former Vice President recently wrote a song about math. It's called the Al Gore Rhythm."

"You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse."

"My friends hate I when I use smiley faces. They're just childish xD"

"I named my eraser Confidence It gets smaller every time I make a mistake."

"How to sound Irish on St. Patrick's day Whale Oil Beef Hooked Now say it very fast"

"The 5 signs of laziness 1."

"I got a job at the circus circumcising baby elephants. It pays peanuts, but the tips are huge."

"Blanket on: too hot, Blanket off: too cold, 1 leg out: perfect, until the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs it & drags you down the hall."

"My dad never loved me as a child. I can't blame him really. I wasn't born until he was an adult."