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Joke of the Day

"My dad never loved me as a child. I can't blame him really. I wasn't born until he was an adult."

"you can basically just make up facts as long as they're about animals.. cows can't look left. you don't know"

"Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled ""FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!"" So you be the judge."

"There's 3 kinds of people in this world people who can count, and people who can't count"

"Only 3 living beings are immune to cold: 1)Polar bears 2)Penguins . And. . . . 3)Females wear!ng sleeveless & backless in winter parties."

"How does a composer remember which groceries to buy? She writes a Chopin Liszt."

"A Jewish man walks into a cafe in Canada and asks the waiter if they have any Canadian Jews ""I'm sorry,"" the waiter replied. ""We only have orange!"""

"I didn't think it was funny when I first wrote this one... I gair aunty this is gonna be five steps removed from swishing nebraskan listerine on a gold claim. ...I was right."

"[Ouija board] O spirits, let me talk to m- C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I *squints* What the heck? A 3G board?"

"How do programmers get a sixpack? int[][] abs = new int[2][3]"