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Joke of the Day

"What city has the biggest amount of mistakes per capita? Uppsala"

"*6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know"

"Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion."

"How do fish go into business ? The start on a small scale !"

"Next time you kill thousands of innocent people in a disaster, tell the judge you ""work in mysterious ways"" and see how far it gets you."

"Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook."

"I masturbate with my pinkie finger pointed straight out. That way if anyone ever walks in on me, I'll still look all classy and shit"

"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once."

"Just another Saturday night at home alternating between sweet and salty snacks until I disgust myself enough to go to bed."

"Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please"