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Joke of the Day

"HER: my dad hates puns but loves food ME: got it HER: dad, this my date ME: hey papaya yam glad to meat u HIM: *shakes then crushes my hand*"

"Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict? He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack."

"There was a kidnapping at school today. ... ... .... Everything's okay. He woke up."

"Charlie Sheen is HIV positive It seems he went from tiger blood to monkey blood."

"My initial goal is to get really, really fat and be a contestant on The Biggest Loser."

"What is donald trumps biggest fear? Mexican ghosts that can walk through walls"

"[Restaurant] ""Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?"" Yes please ""THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"""

"How do a neckbeard's cells divide? by m'tosis"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Hand the bitch a shovel"

"Today somebody told me about a bear that climbs a mountain... ...But the story goes downhill from there."