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Joke of the Day

"So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus."

"I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ."

"What's the easiest way to twist someone's arm? Thalidomide"

"I moved to LA 9 months ago and I've just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot."

"Dreamers dream. Livers detoxify."

"Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life."

"What do you call a black guy on the moon? An Astronaut, you fucking racists."

"Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm? They take things literally"

"Hey! Need an ark! I noah a guy."

"I like my coffee like I like my women hand-picked brazilian."