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Joke of the Day

"Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life."

"If Jesus died for our sin... Who died for our cos and tan?"

"My therapist told me ""time heals all wounds"", So I stabbed him. Now we wait..."

"Why didn't the guitarist get laid? Because he had bad pickups"

"What did the daddy salt say to his son? ""Stop cracking your NaCles."""

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? Unlawful is against the law, whereas illegal is a sick bird. Note: This obviously works better when told than read."

"I just invented a new word. Plagiarism."

"Mum: How come your friend ______ hasn't been around lately? Me: Because he turned into a cunt."

"Why do we never run out of math teachers? Because they are always multiplying."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things literally."