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Joke of the Day

"Titanic is my favorite movie about how to get rid of your boyfriend and make it look like an accident."

"Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh..."

"I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s)."

"A man walks into a library and asks for a book on tides. The librarian says, ""I'm sorry sir, that's just gone out."""

"Me: Hi Kid: M: Still? It's been a week K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE! M: You didn't die. Calm down."

"I like putin The rest of the joke down here"

"How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend? Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?"

"Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid. I was petrified."

"Why is a ghost like an empty house? Because there's no body there!"

"My wife divorced me after years of daily penis enlargement surgeries. She couldn't take it any longer."