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Joke of the Day

"What does a cow use to solve math problems? A *cow*culater. I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun."

"I still use the word ""dude"". I don't give a dude. I don't use it right, but I still dude it."

"Did you hear the one about the blind prostitute? Ya gotta hand it to her..."

"Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he only uses the finest ingredients."

"It doesn't matter if you're black or white. Unless my wife just gave birth to you."

"Waiter there is a fly in my soup! Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three."

"Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resume? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar"

"I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor."

"*maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*"

"""How was your visit to that new therapist?"" ""Waste of time..."" ""...all he did was show me pictures of my parents fighting."""