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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances... Well, she's in for a shock."

"The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds I have no shame..."

"Don't judge. Maybe I'm conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don't know."

"I'm 0 for 3 in getting people to try a spoonful of my homemade peach jam on the subway platform this morning. Some days are challenging!"

"""Your days are numbered!"" - inventor of the calendar, joyously announcing his accomplishment"

"How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers."

"I tried to get team shirts for a sailing camp I'm going on But I just couldn't get the idea to stay afloat"

"This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, feminists can't change anything."

"Why do Gnomes always laugh when the run? Because the grass tickles their balls!"