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Joke of the Day

"It'd be fun to watch screaming monkeys throw poop at each other today, but it's too cold in DC for the zoo. And Congress is out of session."

"What do you call a disabled person during a zombie apocalypse? Meals on wheels..."

"Why did the Catholic church decide to abandon science? Light stopped having mass"

"Would u watch a movie about a teenage boy who screams ""I wish I was dead,"" but God hears ""Deb,"" so he turns into his 50-yr old neighbor Deb?"

"3 biggest women lies :) 1. I will not change after marriage. 2. I forgive you. --- EDIT: 2. It's fine. I forgive you. 3. I am going shopping. I will be back in 30 minutes."

"I have a cast iron fetish I guess you could say I'm pansexual"

"Why should you use a 1 iron during a thunder storm Even god couldn't hit a one iron"

"HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T ""RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!"" Me: Duh. That's why I was late."

"A Japanese commander invites Darth Vader to dinner He asks him "" Will you be there tonight at 8 PM Lord Vader?"" Vader says "" I hope so commander, for your sake ""."

"""It seems like many polls are turning against you. How do you respond?"" TRUMP: They should be sent back to Poland. Very dangerous people."