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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend pegged me for the first time last night. The sex was great, but I don't know why she insisted on wearing an eye patch."

"If I ever go missing, please put my photo on a Tequila bottle because nobody I know drinks milk."

"What file does a Knight store his music on? A **MIDI**-val file."

"Why is it OK for an ice company to commit fraud? Because their assets are already frozen."

"""Don't knock it till you tried it!"" Doesn't help your defence in court."

"""Hey boo."" -casual ghost"

"I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted"

"A friend of mine asked if you could catch AIDS from a toilet seat. I said, only if you sit down before the other guy gets up."

"Why are your kids like drugs? Because the law says you shouldn't do them, but it feels *sooooo* good - until you wake up the next day and just want to flat-out kill yourself."

"My girlfriend spends every night in town, going from bar to bar. And she always f*cking finds me."