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Joke of the Day

"Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts."

"Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee."

"The keurig machine at work acts like its going to give me coffee, but it turns off at the last minute. I feel like I'm getting brew balls."

"What's musical and useful at the grocery store? A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible ""Joke of the Day"" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever."

"What did the blind, innocent, sweet, paraplegic 7 year old boy get for his birthday? Cancer."

"My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment."

"How many Jews can you fit in a car? One hundred. Five and the rest in the ashtray. (An Austrian friend told me this joke.)"

"I had a lovely threesome with my girl friend and her twin He is a lovely chap"

"Whats 6'2"" and doesnt work? My moms van, its been sitting on blocks all summer you racist bastard."

"Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war."