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Joke of the Day

"I made this up today. How do you print something when you've really got to go to the toilet? You ctrl p."

"Why do you have 0 viewers on Twitch? Because not even Nightbot is watching you."

"Me: Real women don't care about romantic cliches. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers."

"I asked my mate what he wanted for dinner He said he fancies a Chinese. I said I didn't ask you about your love life I asked what you wanted to eat."

"Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine."

"Knock Knock, Islam Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allah who ackbar!!!! ***BOOM***"

"Have your people call my people but keep in mind that my ""people"" are just stuffed animals with cordless phones glued to their necks."

"If I died & went straight to hell it would probably take me 2 or 3 weeks before I realized I wasn't at work anymore."

"I lost my mood ring earlier today... I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"All the toilets at the police station were stolen! The police have nothing to go on."