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Joke of the Day

"I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word ""dog"" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right"

"Kids wouldn't stop shooting me. So I took their guns and *nerfed* them."

"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"

"Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees? Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!"

"What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world? Molar opposites."

"What do you call a vaping vegan? A steamed vegetable"

"Why didn't the Pharaoh believe he was drowning? Because he was in deNile"

"If you're ever feeling down, remember that you're unique Just like everyone else"

"*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*"

"Aerosmith According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady."