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Joke of the Day

"I used to hate tumors But then they grew on me"

"Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING."

"Come this Tuesday I will no longer be a 40 year old virgin. I will be a 41 year old virgin..."

"What did the god of lightning say after working out for the first time? I'm Thor"

"Why did the porkchop scream for help? I'd tell you the rest, but I don't want to spoil the meat of the joke."

"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"

"What is Blair Walsh's favorite song? I have no idea honestly, you would have to ask him"

"I'm thinking of doing my part and getting into taxidermy... It really is a dying art."

"A man went to the zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend"